What it Looks Like To Have Depression

by Emily Lerae Smith

What it’s like to have depression:

  • It’s overthinking. Dwelling in your own thoughts is torture. The mind can be evil & cruel, especially towards yourself.
  • It’s fighting between giving up or trying harder. Staying alive or pulling the plug.
  • It’s sitting outside chain smoking cigarettes for hours until you feel sick because going back inside sounds just as miserable as staying outside making yourself feel like crap.
  • It’s looking in the mirror wondering what the hell happened to the old you. To the happy you. It’s faking smiles & forcing laughs.
  • It’s crying yourself to much wanted sleep, only to have nightmares wake you up in the middle of the night. It’s battling your own mind daily. Its looking up at the sky wondering “why me?”.
  • It’s feeling misunderstood, misplaced. It’s not getting out of bed because you don’t have the energy. & screw hygiene, too much work. It’s feeling lost in your own head all day every day.

To those who battle depression: be damn proud of yourself for still going every single day. Even if you did nothing today, I’m proud of you.

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