“To my son,
I am writing this as you lay asleep. Your little hands are in the praying position, resting by your angelic face. Your brown hair is messed up from the day.
I crept up in your room because as I was sitting on my phone, reading all the day’s news, guilt crept on me.
I was irritated at you today. I told you to get dressed and brush your teeth.
You put your top on backward and barely put the brush on your tooth and I got irritated at you. I told you to do it properly.
As I went down to work, you spilled your breakfast to run and give me a kiss, and instead of hugging you back, I huffed and cleaned up your mess and told you to be more careful.
Then as I was cooking dinner, you whined and called me over and over and I yelled at you and asked, ‘What do you want?!’ Your little eyes looked up at me and said, ‘Sorry, Mommy’ and hugged my legs so tightly. ‘I just wanted to say goodnight, because I’m tired.’
Even though I told you off all day, you showed me nothing but unconditional love.
And I rewarded you with irritation, with sighs and frustration.
It’s not that I don’t love you unconditionally too.
It’s that I forgot just who you are. A little boy.
I held you to the same expectations and frustrations I hold to myself. I was treating you as if you were an adult and not my little son.
But you’ve taught me a lesson today. Your heart is bigger than the moon. Your kindness is bigger than the world.
Because even when I was rushing and frustrated and irritated, you came to show me love. You taught me to show kindness and love, even when someone doesn’t deserve it. You. A little boy.
I wanted to wake you up and tell you I’m sorry, but you also taught me that words mean little without action, so tomorrow I’m going to be the best m0mmy to you. I’m going to play with you. I’m going to eat breakfast when you eat breakfast. I’m going to laugh when you do. And every time I start to feel irritated or frustrated, I’m going to remind myself that you’re just a little boy.
My little boy.
And that we both deserve kindness at our most difficult time. Thank you for teaching me that.
Love, your mama.”