When 20-year-old redditor /u/calinylo00 learned about her boyfriend’s childhood nightmares, she didn’t know how to react. He confessed to her that he was raped as an 11-year-old, and when she took some time to digest this information, she left his apartment. Looking for approval, she asked other users “[Am I the a**hole] for distancing myself from my bf after he admitted he was raped?” To her surprise, she got an unanimous yes.
What do you think of her post below?
“I’m a 20yo woman currently dating my 24 yo boyfriend of 5 months,” she wrote. “He’s tall, muscular, blonde with blue eyes. He’s also really dominant and works at a startup doing marketing. In general, he’s very smart, funny, yadda yadda you get it. I like him.”
“However, even though our sex life is good he’s been having trouble performing starting a week and a half ago. I thought it was me at first so I asked him and he started to break down a bit before crying. He’s just started seeing a therapist or ‘counselor’ about his childhood.”
“Then he tells me that he was raped as an 11-year-old by his stepbrother, multiple times when he was young. This floored me as up until this point he seemed so macho and sort of like a “tough guy” and nows he’s confessing to being raped by another man while completely being in tears and holding me.”
“I held him back and let him vent but I ended up leaving (we were at his apartment). I completely understand that it’s horrible being a rape victim but honestly, I don’t know if I could see him the same way again. I had this image of him that’s completely shattered and honestly every time I see him text me I just feel weird now.”
“My best friend thinks should try to keep dating him for a bit but I’m really not attracted to him like I was before. We’re not broken up yet but I’m considering it kinda. [Am I the a**hole]?”
Heres just one of the many responses she got:
“You’re a monster. You’re truly a horrible person and I honestly hope you never find love in your life again. You’re so lucky that you don’t have a single clue on what it’s like to be raped. Your boyfriend, who trusted you enough to show his feelings and confess a secret that’s probably been haunting his dreams and his waking moments for years, is a strong man for living through that. He’s still “macho”. He’s still a “tough guy”. If you see him as a lesser person because of something he couldn’t control, then you make me sick.”
“Rape DESTROYS people. It stays with them, it makes them feel subhuman. How dare you leave a man that honestly deserves so much better than an inhuman psycho like you on his own after he just broke down! He probably feels betrayed and ashamed. Good luck getting him to open up again; you’ve CRUSHED him. You took his heart that he gave to you and crushed it right in front of his goddamn face. Then you just left because boo hoo, he’s somehow “less manly” to your judgmental ass.”
“Shame on you. I’ve witnessed someone have a PTSD episode over someone molesting them. I had to sit there, completely heartbroken and useless, watching her shake and sob and scream, “I CAN FEEL HER TOUCHING ME! SHE’S TOUCHING ME!!” I didn’t want to touch her in case it made it worse. Seeing such a look of pure terror on her face is one of the scariest things I’ve ever seen. At that moment she went through unimaginable torture. She was beaten to a pulp, chewed up, and spit out. She was taken back to that horrible place and tortured.”
“That’s what your boyfriend feels. That’s the kind of torture that he faces. And yet through all of it, he’s able to get up and put a smile on his face. Is that not tough? Is that not macho? I doubt someone as horrible as you could go a day without complaining if you chipped a nail.”
“Shame on you. Shame, shame, shame, shame. shame. You’ve disrespected every man who’s ever been raped. You’ve disrespected every rape victim. You’ve disrespected my friends who’ve been raped. I hate you. Go ahead and leave him. He deserves far, far better.”
“It’s hard enough being a rape victim, let alone a male rape victim. Show him these replies to make him see that it wasn’t his fault. Then apologize and leave. Shame on you. Shame, shame, shame.”
The United States Department of Health and Human Services states that there were 57,329 children were victims of sexual abuse in 2016. The effects of such abuse often present long-lasting mental health challenges. For example, a study of women found out that victims of rape are about 4 times more likely to develop symptoms of drug abuse, about 4 times more likely to experience PTSD, and about 3 times more likely to experience a major depressive episode.