A frustrated husband slamming his wife for her bathroom etiquette on Facebook. Here’s what he decided to tape to the mirror one morning to try and get his wife to stick to her new year’s resolution.
To my darling Rosie
Babe can you remember 20 days ago, you said, ‘babe, I know my bathroom habits really piss you off, but I am gong to change this year I promise!’ Unfortunately, not much has changed. In fact, it’s worse, to the point that I now suffer from Bathroom Surprise Anxiety.
I thought the idea of twin vanities in, meant we got our own – you know, His and Hers. Why is it then, that my vanity basin becomes a permanent storage container fir your make-up brushes, bottles, lipsticks and whatever other ‘girl-magic’ you practice.
You have 4 drawers and I have 1. Do you have some sort of drawer FOMO that incites you to invade my only drawer area? Granted I do have the top drawer vanity – and this is so I don’t have to bend down as far to get MY things: remember I am 6ft effing 6, compared to your 5ft 7, and I have 2 titanium hips, so bending isn’t my strong point
Let’s talk about the actual Bathroom Content and General Hygiene:
The toothpaste: how effing hard is it to put the lid back on the tube so that the next person (i.e. me) comes along to use it and it’s not dry and conjealed like roadkill. Do we need his and hers toothpaste?? If I didn’t love you quite as much I may be tempted to sabotage the toothpaste with some foreign matter (use your imagination) to teach you a lesson.
American Crew Fibre: this is a male hair product (and I don’t give a [expletive] about political correctness, it’s a bloody male hair product), yet I continually your paw prints inside it with lid of course nowhere to be found, so when I need to use it, it is like a cross between a panel beaters bog and polyspak filler instead of beautifully textured paste.
Deodorant: 3 words, use your own!
Bath towels: they belong on hooks not on the floor! For your well-educated benefit, the Oxford Concise dictionary defines HOOK as the device that protrudes from the wall for you to hang things on.
My razor: My grandpa told me that blokes should never ever share razors, I wonder what the the old man would have said about a man’s wife using his razor?
Bathroom bin: tell me honestly, do you believe in some sort of bathroom bin fairy? We have been together 8 years = 416 weeks, with the bin emptied once a week by me = 416 by me and donuts, zero, Roy Orbinson by you – any chance babe?
The flush: contrary to your belief that flush is the term describing a winning hand in poker, the Flush is also plumbing term. Look it up. Practice it.””I love you very much – please change bathroom habits.