“Marriage Is Easy”

By Brunna Merrill

This has been on my heart today & I felt inclined to share… I think i’ll title it “Marriage is Easy”

I hear the statement “marriage is hard” all the time. It really makes me wonder, is it marriage itself that’s hard or is it really just our viewpoint on marriage. Getting adjusted to a new person takes a lot of time and effort. When it’s our partner we often lose patience and instantly jump to being angry and letting them know about it. We voice our frustrations and opinions of what they need to do better. Often times we struggle in our relationships because our partner is not meeting our expectations. We expect the other person to automatically know how to do things exactly the way we like it, or let’s face it, the way that we think is right. And when they don’t follow suit the thought process begins, “I deserve better than this”. We start to panic that maybe we made the wrong choice and this is not the right person for you. Maybe there is someone out there that would mesh better with you. At these moments the last thing you want to do is be around this person because you are so angry. I wonder what would happen if we shifted our thought process a bit. What if we viewed our spouse in the same way that we viewed our parents? Now let me explain. Your mom and dad are your parents no matter what they do or don’t do. They are family and there is no change to that. Let’s face it, we give our parents a lot of grace and at times are careful the way we speak to them because we don’t want to hurt them; because frankly, we love them. Or let’s even take it a step further. What if we treated our spouse with the patience we have for our newborn baby. All Parents know the feeling that having a baby drastically changes your life. You spend the first few years adjusting to life with a baby. Both the parents and the child are learning what life is now like since they entered into this world together. Parents, when your baby is crying and doesn’t understand what you are saying do you immediately jump to hating them and thinking “maybe this baby wasn’t for me” or “I deserve better than this baby”? NO, you don’t. You take the time to learn what the baby needs and what the reason behind the crying is. Why? Because you love your child and they are FAMILY. What if we realized that all arguments and bickering really can be compared to when a child is crying for something. We are all humans, make mistakes, and have needs. That doesn’t give us the right to spew off and want to walk away. I’ve come to realize, that through it all, my spouse is my family. There is nothing he can do to change that. Instead, we all need to learn to nurture our relationships and grow together. I think that the reason why people view the marriage relationship differently from the relationship with a parent or child simply boils down to one word, choice. You see when you get married, you chose for that person to be in your life. You don’t get to choose who your parents are or who your siblings are. I believe that since we had the power to choose for them to enter our lives we view it as a moving relationship and we also have the power to remove them from our lives. It seems like it is something you can control, as opposed to it just being what it is, a standing relationship in your life. What if we changed the statement from “marriage is hard” to “relationships are hard” regardless if its marriage or not? If we only focus on marriage being hard then we are deceiving ourselves into thinking that if you are not married then relationships won’t be hard. That’s totally false. Every relationship has a certain level of difficulty. You see, marriage is easy, it’s keeping healthy relationships that’s hard. I’ve found that the most healing has come from the instances where we just want to leave and walk out to get away from the uncomfortable situation. But when we stay and sit in that uncomfortable atmosphere, we both realize that we want it to change. We come together to fix what isn’t working. You see if you leave, then you are training yourself to find comfort in something other than your spouse. Your spouse’s love slowly begins to get replaced by your friend, a credit card, a bar, or a car filled with tears. Your desire for your spouse weakens one fight at a time. But you see, this doesn’t have to be the case. By tackling the issue head on we learn that every situation can be healed and we become stronger because of it. The grass is not greener on the other side, its greener where you water it. So let’s stop categorizing marriage as being “hard”, and start walking in the understanding that all relationships are a continual work in progress.

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