When I was 16 I developed an eating disorder (anorexia). I also struggled with depression and self-harm issues. The last 4 years I’ve been in several (clinical) treatments. I am still not there yet, but I am further along the road to recovery than ever.
Yesterday something happened to me which made me think (and stress) a lot. It was such a small thing, but it was like a bomb hit me.
Now, I’m writing a message to the guys who fat-shamed me.
This is me (20)
I would like to thank the teens who thought it would be funny to make pig noises when I walked by yesterday. You’ve not only made me realise there are still a lot of fat phobic assholes out there, you also showed me I am not yet where I want to be.
At the moment I heard you snorting, my heart started racing while I was trying to act normal and not burst into tears. My self-destructive thoughts took over my healthy brain and told me I was a worthless piece of sh*t. However, I won’t let you make me doubt myself.
Yes, I am fat. But I am much happier than my last years. I’ve struggled with several eating disorders for almost five years. I’ve been severely underweight, on the edge of death, forced into hospital. I didn’t only loose a lot of weight, I lost myself and the strength to live.
Nowadays, I am fat. I have a body covered in scars and I still struggle with an eating disorder)binge eating disorder) and several other mental health issues, but I am so much further than I was back in the days.
I am able to attend school, have a meaningful job and regain self-confidence. First I existed, now I survive and soon I will fully live. I still want to become fit again, because I need a healthy body to fulfil the adventures I have planned for myself in the future.
However, if losing weight means I am harming my mental health, it won’t. It’s not worth it. I finally see light in the darkness and now I am not only going to own my size, but also my life. I am taking my life back and out of the hands of my mental illness.
So thank you again for snorting. You not only made me realise I still have a long way to go to feel confident in my own skin, you also made me strengthen my willpower to mean something to the world.
I want to normalise talking about mental health problems and educate more people about the difficult of an invisible illness. You gave me a purpose.