I think I realised today why it’s so hard to make new mum friends and I think it’s because now that I’m a mum, you’re going to see me at my worst, before you see me at my best.
Before, I wouldnt go to the letterbox without a face full of make up, now, I barely look in the mirror before I go anywhere and admittedly, some days I wear my pyjamas out to the shops.
I don’t have time to scrub the floors with a toothbrush, my house is more a mess than it isn’t.
My children don’t let me pee in privacy, let alone allow me to do my hair and make up
Making new friends is hard because you’re not quite willing to let them see you as the mess that you are because you’re taught to be your perfect self to make a good impression.
Some of the best friends I have are the ones who do see me at my worst, where I’ll answer the door with a greasy top bun, and they’ll have to navigate through the toys and the chaos to sit down on the couch. We will talk about life, how hard it is, how our husbands shit us but how we can’t live without them. She’ll hold the baby while I make a coffee and we will ignore our children dumping out the toy box because it means that we get to talk for a while and feel human.
She will fold some clothes while we talk, and wash the cups we use, and when I go to her house, I’ll do the same. There’s no pretence. It is what it is.
The reality is, is that most of us are sleep deprived, we are exhausted, we are struggling, our houses aren’t perfect and sometimes we wear our yoghurt covered pyjamas to the shops.
Today I met another mum for the first time in all my glorious mess. It’s what the day presented itself to be, so that’s how she got me. I apologised, but she didn’t care, because she understands. Because some days it’s her reality too.
Imagine we just reached out to one another without waiting until we have our shit together, until our hair is perfect and our house is scrubbed with toothbrushes. Imagine we just embraced the mess and the chaos and came as we are, the real us. I think we would all find that we would make a lot more deeper friendships and we would tell each other that it’s okay to be at our worst before we are at our best, and that the mess and chaos is worthy of love and friendship too.
Today I learned you don’t need to be your perfect self to make a good impression, you just have to be yourself, and that is worthy of a meaningful friendship.